This Ransomed Heart

So, I went to sleep last night feeling very encouraged after worship practice at my church and an awesome conversation with my Pastor. I'm just excited for what God is doing. I don't usually have vivid dreams unless God is speaking something through them and they don't happen very often or when I was drinking I would have dreams of my past. I woke up this morning from a dream that was so very vivid. In it, I was throwing a party, showing off this new house I had just moved into, which was huge. My mom was there, helping me with hosting and showing people around. Then someone showed up from my past and I acted in a way that is very out of character for me. My mom found out and was crying and I woke up feeling like the dream had really just happened. Icky and heavy feeling. Then, when I got in my car this song came on- Never Going Back by United Pursuit. I know it's the enemy because God is up to something big and the enemy tries to distract us and weigh us down with sham

On the first page of my planner for 2018, I wrote, for some reason unbeknownst to me:  Year of Completion. Year of Clarity. Which is interesting. Because 2018 did not feel like it was a year of either of these. In fact, it felt more like a never-ending game of tug-of-war, blindfolded, on a tightrope hundreds of feet above a tumulous ocean. I saw it as a tight-rope. But looking back I think it was more like stepping stones through a calm river, with a loving God before, behind and beside me asking me if I will trust Him enough to take the next step. In my eyes it felt like every misstep, every mistake was this disastrous thing that could have been the end of me, but I think this has been a season of learning in safety. Like a child learning how to ride a bike, not knowing that their father is gently holding onto the back of the bicycle to keep them steady while they gain confidence to peddle. Eventually, he removes his hands so that they can truly learn to ride...but he is still so n