This Ransomed Heart

There is so much on my heart right now. I just listened to John Eldredge's podcast Wild at Heart- Constant Uncertainty. I would highly recommend this one. So much was shared that was already on my heart...things I hadn't formed words to yet. I will get back to this shortly. It's been a while since I've felt this overwhelmed with His love and presence. I can feel Him so tangibly and it's a little hard to write because all I want to do is cry... Where do I begin...Lord, give me the words. In my past, when I was running and in full rebellion to God, I had no walls, no boundaries, my heart was open to whoever wanted to take it, trample it...and I had no issue doing the same with others. And over the past few years, I think I have slowly made my way over to the opposite end of this extreme...where I find my heart so walled off, with so many boundaries, that it's even hard sometimes to let God in, to let Him touch my heart. To feel Him. To allow myself to feel Him. It

I thought I understood discipleship...but I feel like it just hit me, like my heart is burning! I just watched this week's lesson from my Emmaus Online class and it makes so much more sense! And you guys may already know/get all of this, so just let me have my moment lol.  Mark 3:13-14: And He went up on the mountain and called to Him those whom He desired, and they came to Him. And He appointed twelve (whom He also named apostles) so that they might be with Him and He might send them out to preach... Firstly let me just point out that He called me to Himself because He desired me. WHAT?! The King of the universe desires me?! Crazy.  And my response to that...Jesus, I'm coming to You, how could I not?! Like in John 6, Peter's response to Jesus asking if the 12 want to also leave Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God".    And then He appoints us to 1) be with Him,

Goodbyes are probably hard for most, if not everyone, at least sometimes.  I thought by now it would be easier. It's not. Thankfully, I have not lost anyone that I was extremely close to in a very long time. One of my grandfathers passed when I was 9. I was close to him and it was painful, but I think what was more painful was seeing how much pain my mom and grandmother were in, so I tried really hard to be strong for them. After he passed, I really struggled with this fear that others close to me who I loved were going to die. As in, I would go check on my parents and siblings multiple times throughout the night because I would wake up in a panic wondering if they had died...or after watching Left Behind , if they had been raptured, leaving me behind because I forgot to say sorry for being mean that day.  When we moved to Swaziland, the goodbyes were really hard, but I think somehow it felt more like we were going on a really long trip and there was so much excitement about moving

Tantos cambios. So many changes. This was the title of my end of the term speech in my class this past Saturday, where I attempted to talk about all of the changes that have taken place this past year. I was actually supposed to write and talk about my achievements from 2019 and what my goals are for 2021. However, I got stuck on 2020. I think we are all a little stuck on 2020. I tried really hard to remember last year and the only thing I could remember was, of course, my little sister's wedding, but not much else. And next year!? I can't even think past this week; next year feels impossible to imagine! So I requested permission to talk about life so far in 2020. Permission granted. January started off well...an amazing, life-changing trip to Israel with my sister, Danielle. To get to see and touch the places where Jesus walked and taught...to be able to see all He is doing in various countries in the Middle East through a ministry called Frontier Alliance International, to fe

I am in the midst of a 9-month discipleship program through Frontier Alliance International, called Emmaus Online. In this week's lesson, which was on the interconnectedness of faith, hope and love, one of our instructors, Stephen Struebing, shared about a dream he had, which reminded me of a dream I had in August of 2015. In the first part of this dream, I was in a church. I think it was my or someone else’s birthday and we were having a worship service instead of a typical birthday party. I went to the basement of the church and there found a few friends from my old life, drinking, and smoking. They asked me to stay there with them to party. I begged them to come upstairs with me to the service, but they wouldn’t come. I left them to go back upstairs and the moment I walked back into the sanctuary, the entire church lifted from the ground, leaving the basement part behind, and lifted into the sky. My vision changed at this point like I was in space and could see the

This was truly a birthday weekend to remember. My sister took the picture below and said it was the perfect summary of my birthday this year: looking at a sad happy birthday balloon stuck in a tree. But in that moment, I was looking at that sad little balloon thinking how incredibly blessed I was to be surrounded by my awesome roomies, my friends, my family...at the park, eating ice cream (though it was freezing cold), and knowing that everything, somehow, is going to be okay. I turned 29 this weekend and it was also the 5 year anniversary of my returning to Christ. And in the midst of COVID-19 uncertainty and craziness...social distancing...and the impending feeling (most likely from watching WAY too many apocalyptic/zombie movies) that as I am running outside, a group of lifeless zombies are going to turn the corner and chase me down the street...it was actually one of the very best, most special weekends I’ve ever had. My mom is stuck here for the time being as she is