This Ransomed Heart

I went on a women's retreat this weekend. It was totally God how it worked out. Very last minute. I did not get much studying done, but I know it was where I was supposed to be so it was worth it to me. God really worked on my heart this weekend. I am scared to death walking forward...and I keep (me, being my normal stressed out self) wanting to think about it, plan it..."what if tomorrow...what if this person...what if when I go here...what if I can't do it..." and the reason I never finish the thoughts it that though I am "trying" to stress about it, I feel this overwhelming peace...God is quieting my heart and reminding me that He is with me. Unlike the past 6 years where I told Him what I was doing and when and why, and occasionally asked for His input but never waited for an answer...I am truly ready to live for Him and with Him. I went for a run today...it was quite a strange run, but so peaceful. So revealing. In a way this run mirrored my life thus...

I wrote a poem on this day... This Journey is Mine The very foundations on which I stood...stand shaking trembling beneath me and I am uncertain I know how to walk forward without them crumbling and I crashing hardly able to see straight through the tears I reach out hands open grasping anything solid that might not slip through the spaces between my fingers... We all need something, someone to believe in and when your whole life has been centered on this one thing...what if it is not real... I would not know where to go from there. Do I blindly believe and deny the facts or do I push aside something that was my world my whole life and accept that in our need of something more to believe in all that we lived for was created in a beautiful story to bring hope because we could not accept that there was nothing. I cannot accept that there is nothing. Nothing is more difficult to believe than something and I know what I feel though I cannot put it into words because at this ver...

This is a post from my first blog, written in 2008 when the struggle/war for my identity became real...crazy how even then...in the midst of the confusion and struggle, I knew God was speaking to me, giving me words to speak, to sing that would be prophetic. He knew I would be... Coming Back.. . 9/16/08 This is the title of a song God put in my heart 2 weeks ago. It's funny how the words only began speaking to my heart and situation this week. Or maybe I just wasn't prepared to listen to Him then. I'm tired of walking this dark road And I can't do it on my own I'm at the point of desperation Crying out in my frustration Why can't I feel you? Does that mean you are not there? And if I can't hear your voice- Does that mean you do not care? Let Me speak some truth over this situation Let me speak some truth over this situation Let me speak some truth over...you Yes, I can hear you- And yes I care. Yes, I am with you... I've always been there. I ...