Coming Back. September 16, 2008


This is a post from my first blog, written in 2008 when the struggle/war for my identity became real...crazy how even then...in the midst of the confusion and struggle, I knew God was speaking to me, giving me words to speak, to sing that would be prophetic. He knew I would be...

Coming Back... 9/16/08

This is the title of a song God put in my heart 2 weeks ago. It's funny how the words only began speaking to my heart and situation this week. Or maybe I just wasn't prepared to listen to Him then.

I'm tired of walking this dark road
And I can't do it on my own
I'm at the point of desperation
Crying out in my frustration
Why can't I feel you?
Does that mean you are not there?
And if I can't hear your voice-
Does that mean you do not care?

Let Me speak some truth over this situation
Let me speak some truth over this situation
Let me speak some truth over...you
Yes, I can hear you-
And yes I care.
Yes, I am with you...
I've always been there.
I am your Father
I am your Saviour
I'm your Deliverer and Redeemer...
I am I AM.

I'm coming back...
I'm coming back...
I'm coming back...to You.


You know those times where we just completely shut God out of the picture?? Where you know full well He is speaking to you but you choose not to listen or to make dumb excuses...like "oh he can't be talking to me...or that doesn't apply directly to what's going on" Well...that's been me...for a few months now. I can't go into detail about what's been going on but let's just say it's been a struggle. Don't worry I wasn't on drugs and I haven't accumulated a drinking problem guys!!!....but it was something I never thought I would struggle with. At first I could hear God speaking clearly to me...."come back"..."this isn't right"...but as my heart became harder His voice became weaker and weaker until the point where I think He just gave up trying to speak directly to me. That's when He started speaking through other people. 2 sundays ago at church we were worshipping and the Lord spoke through Brother Ron, a powerful man of God who also goes to HPC. He said "How dare you call me Lord when I am not master in your life?"

You would think I would have gotten the message...I felt my heart stirring but I wasn't ready to deal with the situation, so yet again I ignored Him. I simply quit singing the song.

I had convinced myself that nothing was wrong even though I knew otherwise in my heart. It is so easy to let our flesh and feelings control how we live and the choices we make...I guess once you are convinced that everything is okay what your heart cries out seems irrelevant because you become "comfortable" in your situation. I am soo thankful that God loves me enough not to give up on me when I totally turn away from Him. I only realized how much He wanted me back when He spoke to a lady I don't really even know...and told her to be praying for me. Finally He showed her why and everything was illuminated. It's actually quite funny...God was tired of me not listening so He decided to fill everyone close to me in on what I was sooo desperately trying to hide. Thanks God!! :)

So this past week has been like a war for me. Every moment of the day I have to choose what to believe and to let Jesus be my master. Sometimes the pain in my heart is so unbearable, I feel like giving up...but then I remind myself...God didn't, hasn't, and WON'T give up on me!! Not ever...and I simply cannot understand that kindof love...but I am so grateful for it. Jesus did speak truth over my situation and continues to do so every day, especially through the amazing people He has put in my life.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Attachments, Seeds and The Faithfulness of God

  I want to take a moment and give God praise. This past year has been a rough one- marriage is hard Y'ALL! I actually just spent some time reading through my old journals from over the last 8 years since I've been walking with Christ and there are so many journal entries where I am praying about and for my husband. Yes, it's been hard, but God knew what He was doing and knows still. It has revealed the state of my yucky heart more than anything else has to date. There's a lot of yuck in there. But He is faithful. I love my husband so much. He has such a tender heart toward me and most importantly, toward God. And I am pretty sure he is the only man in this world who could put up with my crazy lol. I have seen God at work in his life, molding him into a man after His heart and teaching him how to lead our family.  The other night we got into a fight. My mom happened to be here that night and she could tell something was wrong. When Asrat went to the basement to sleep sh
Read more

Not What I Was Expecting

Image
Okay, so it's been about 2 years 🙈🙊... Much has changed.  I am a married woman as of October 11, 2021, which is HUGE because...well...if you know me or know my story, you probably know that for many years I did not believe this would ever happen. AND because...as my brother so lovingly put it at the wedding, "I always thought to myself, if there is someone that can put up with Gabby, that is a gift from God". It's true. But now, I have an amazing husband who loves and serves me so well even when I am difficult, which is most of the time.  I have a new last name. Geleta. I discovered that changing said last name is INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT and tedious. And no matter how many things I think I have updated, I keep finding more. I just keep a copy of our marriage license on me now just in case. I discovered that marriage is hard. I mean, yes, I had heard that before. But it's one thing to hear something...and another to experience it for yourself. And then you have thos
Read more

Strengthen Your Union with Me

Image
There is so much on my heart right now. I just listened to John Eldredge's podcast Wild at Heart- Constant Uncertainty. I would highly recommend this one. So much was shared that was already on my heart...things I hadn't formed words to yet. I will get back to this shortly. It's been a while since I've felt this overwhelmed with His love and presence. I can feel Him so tangibly and it's a little hard to write because all I want to do is cry... Where do I begin...Lord, give me the words. In my past, when I was running and in full rebellion to God, I had no walls, no boundaries, my heart was open to whoever wanted to take it, trample it...and I had no issue doing the same with others. And over the past few years, I think I have slowly made my way over to the opposite end of this extreme...where I find my heart so walled off, with so many boundaries, that it's even hard sometimes to let God in, to let Him touch my heart. To feel Him. To allow myself to feel Him. It
Read more