This Ransomed Heart

So, a few months ago, a co-worker of mine told me about this thing she does. This thing, she said, involves running at 5:30 in the morning, three and sometimes 4 mornings a week, through the streets of Baltimore city, with a group of men and women who become your people, your team...your family. At first, I didn’t give this thing much thought, because, well...let’s be real… Gabby does not get up unless the sun gets up too and sometimes even then, Gabby doesn’t get up. Running at 5:30 in the morning means waking up at 4:30 in the morning in order to get your life together enough to be out of the house by 5, to make it to said place by 5:30. Waking up at 4:30 in the morning means that you get your clothes and food ready the night before, because (speaking from experience) you just never know what you might be eating for lunch the next day- if you have a lunch at all, or what you might be wearing (or not wearing because you forgot it). Waking up at 4:30 in the morning also requir...

...Do not be afraid any longer, only believe. Mark 5:36 In August I went to Arizona for a women’s retreat with some pretty incredible women. The theme of this year’s retreat was “Welcome Waiting”. Not quite sure how that topic applied at the time, but just thankful to be away from the noise of life in Baltimore, I went with an open heart. Before I even made it to the actual retreat, in conversation with one of my mentors, God spoke something so clearly to my heart. Something I was not expecting and something that would cause me to question just about everything. I clearly heard Him ask me to get off of social media. So, I’m thinking this just means taking a break- that temporary deactivation button until you “accidentally” log back on because you need to get information about an event that can obviously only be found on Facebook. Nope, He said permanently delete. Come on God, You know it’s impossible to actually delete Facebook right? Or at least that’s what I thought. So I did som...

You go before I know That You've gone to win my war You come back with the head of my enemy You come back and You call it my victory You go before I know That You've gone to win my war Your love becomes my greatest defense It leads me from the dry wilderness All I did was praise All I did was worship All I did was bow down All I did was stay still Hallelujah, You have saved me So much better Your way Hallelujah, great Defender So much better Your way You know before I do Where my heart can seek to find Your truth Your mercy is the shade I'm living in You restore my faith and hope again All I did was praise All I did was worship All I did was bow down All I did was stay still Hallelujah, You have saved me So much better Your way Hallelujah, great Defender So much better Your way This song had been on my heart for months leading up to June, and I didn’t think much about it. I just thought I really li...

I went on a women's retreat this weekend. It was totally God how it worked out. Very last minute. I did not get much studying done, but I know it was where I was supposed to be so it was worth it to me. God really worked on my heart this weekend. I am scared to death walking forward...and I keep (me, being my normal stressed out self) wanting to think about it, plan it..."what if tomorrow...what if this person...what if when I go here...what if I can't do it..." and the reason I never finish the thoughts it that though I am "trying" to stress about it, I feel this overwhelming peace...God is quieting my heart and reminding me that He is with me. Unlike the past 6 years where I told Him what I was doing and when and why, and occasionally asked for His input but never waited for an answer...I am truly ready to live for Him and with Him. I went for a run today...it was quite a strange run, but so peaceful. So revealing. In a way this run mirrored my life thus...

I wrote a poem on this day... This Journey is Mine The very foundations on which I stood...stand shaking trembling beneath me and I am uncertain I know how to walk forward without them crumbling and I crashing hardly able to see straight through the tears I reach out hands open grasping anything solid that might not slip through the spaces between my fingers... We all need something, someone to believe in and when your whole life has been centered on this one thing...what if it is not real... I would not know where to go from there. Do I blindly believe and deny the facts or do I push aside something that was my world my whole life and accept that in our need of something more to believe in all that we lived for was created in a beautiful story to bring hope because we could not accept that there was nothing. I cannot accept that there is nothing. Nothing is more difficult to believe than something and I know what I feel though I cannot put it into words because at this ver...

This is a post from my first blog, written in 2008 when the struggle/war for my identity became real...crazy how even then...in the midst of the confusion and struggle, I knew God was speaking to me, giving me words to speak, to sing that would be prophetic. He knew I would be... Coming Back.. . 9/16/08 This is the title of a song God put in my heart 2 weeks ago. It's funny how the words only began speaking to my heart and situation this week. Or maybe I just wasn't prepared to listen to Him then. I'm tired of walking this dark road And I can't do it on my own I'm at the point of desperation Crying out in my frustration Why can't I feel you? Does that mean you are not there? And if I can't hear your voice- Does that mean you do not care? Let Me speak some truth over this situation Let me speak some truth over this situation Let me speak some truth over...you Yes, I can hear you- And yes I care. Yes, I am with you... I've always been there. I ...