This Ransomed Heart

This week has been heavy. There is so much going on in so many people's lives and it's just felt heavier than usual. I've felt a call to intercede more intentionally this week and I am grateful that He would invite me into this battle, to war alongside Him, to stand in the gap for those who are going through a hard time. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you. But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, "I believed in...

So, I went to sleep last night feeling very encouraged after worship practice at my church and an awesome conversation with my Pastor. I'm just excited for what God is doing. I don't usually have vivid dreams unless God is speaking something through them and they don't happen very often or when I was drinking I would have dreams of my past. I woke up this morning from a dream that was so very vivid. In it, I was throwing a party, showing off this new house I had just moved into, which was huge. My mom was there, helping me with hosting and showing people around. Then someone showed up from my past and I acted in a way that is very out of character for me. My mom found out and was crying and I woke up feeling like the dream had really just happened. Icky and heavy feeling. Then, when I got in my car this song came on- Never Going Back by United Pursuit. I know it's the enemy because God is up to something big and the enemy tries to distract us and weigh us down with sham...

On the first page of my planner for 2018, I wrote, for some reason unbeknownst to me:  Year of Completion. Year of Clarity. Which is interesting. Because 2018 did not feel like it was a year of either of these. In fact, it felt more like a never-ending game of tug-of-war, blindfolded, on a tightrope hundreds of feet above a tumulous ocean. I saw it as a tight-rope. But looking back I think it was more like stepping stones through a calm river, with a loving God before, behind and beside me asking me if I will trust Him enough to take the next step. In my eyes it felt like every misstep, every mistake was this disastrous thing that could have been the end of me, but I think this has been a season of learning in safety. Like a child learning how to ride a bike, not knowing that their father is gently holding onto the back of the bicycle to keep them steady while they gain confidence to peddle. Eventually, he removes his hands so that they can truly learn to ride...but he...

So, a few months ago, a co-worker of mine told me about this thing she does. This thing, she said, involves running at 5:30 in the morning, three and sometimes 4 mornings a week, through the streets of Baltimore city, with a group of men and women who become your people, your team...your family. At first, I didn’t give this thing much thought, because, well...let’s be real… Gabby does not get up unless the sun gets up too and sometimes even then, Gabby doesn’t get up. Running at 5:30 in the morning means waking up at 4:30 in the morning in order to get your life together enough to be out of the house by 5, to make it to said place by 5:30. Waking up at 4:30 in the morning means that you get your clothes and food ready the night before, because (speaking from experience) you just never know what you might be eating for lunch the next day- if you have a lunch at all, or what you might be wearing (or not wearing because you forgot it). Waking up at 4:30 in the morning also requir...

...Do not be afraid any longer, only believe. Mark 5:36 In August I went to Arizona for a women’s retreat with some pretty incredible women. The theme of this year’s retreat was “Welcome Waiting”. Not quite sure how that topic applied at the time, but just thankful to be away from the noise of life in Baltimore, I went with an open heart. Before I even made it to the actual retreat, in conversation with one of my mentors, God spoke something so clearly to my heart. Something I was not expecting and something that would cause me to question just about everything. I clearly heard Him ask me to get off of social media. So, I’m thinking this just means taking a break- that temporary deactivation button until you “accidentally” log back on because you need to get information about an event that can obviously only be found on Facebook. Nope, He said permanently delete. Come on God, You know it’s impossible to actually delete Facebook right? Or at least that’s what I thought. So I did som...

You go before I know That You've gone to win my war You come back with the head of my enemy You come back and You call it my victory You go before I know That You've gone to win my war Your love becomes my greatest defense It leads me from the dry wilderness All I did was praise All I did was worship All I did was bow down All I did was stay still Hallelujah, You have saved me So much better Your way Hallelujah, great Defender So much better Your way You know before I do Where my heart can seek to find Your truth Your mercy is the shade I'm living in You restore my faith and hope again All I did was praise All I did was worship All I did was bow down All I did was stay still Hallelujah, You have saved me So much better Your way Hallelujah, great Defender So much better Your way This song had been on my heart for months leading up to June, and I didn’t think much about it. I just thought I really li...

I went on a women's retreat this weekend. It was totally God how it worked out. Very last minute. I did not get much studying done, but I know it was where I was supposed to be so it was worth it to me. God really worked on my heart this weekend. I am scared to death walking forward...and I keep (me, being my normal stressed out self) wanting to think about it, plan it..."what if tomorrow...what if this person...what if when I go here...what if I can't do it..." and the reason I never finish the thoughts it that though I am "trying" to stress about it, I feel this overwhelming peace...God is quieting my heart and reminding me that He is with me. Unlike the past 6 years where I told Him what I was doing and when and why, and occasionally asked for His input but never waited for an answer...I am truly ready to live for Him and with Him. I went for a run today...it was quite a strange run, but so peaceful. So revealing. In a way this run mirrored my life thus...